The README file from

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These are fortunes collected by Tim MacKenzie ( from various sources over the past 3 years. Some of the attributions for quotes are incorrect/missing... sorry. I have attempted to remove as many duplicates from the database as is possible but some surely still remain.

The .fgz files in this directory are compressed using gzip. (They are a little larger than they might otherwise be because they are compressed with a modified gzip which compresses each block separately thus allowing efficient random access into the fortunes... see the src directory).

If you want to add quotes to this collection, or have any bodies of quotes which I do not have please send them to me and I would be happy to add them to my collection.

All these volumes are fortunes separated by '%%' and the first fortune is a description of the database.

Yes, I do have code for handling large numbers of fortunes in separate databases. Most fortunes are obtained from this collection using a server which accepts tcp connections and gives appropriate fortunes. This saves loading indexes all the time etc.

The Makefile and Buildidx files are for building indexes for my fortune program. These allow all types of access to be done efficiently [that is O(1) disk accesses]. Query types supported are: random fortunes less than a particular length from a particular collection of databases, specific fortunes, and fortunes from a collection in order.

I'll make a 'fortune' program available in the near future [once I find the code for the stand-alone version].

-Tim MacKenzie (

Currently available volumes:
volume number Description
altq      728 Extracts from the alt.quotation archives
b7         72 Blakes 7 quotes
ba        398 The Blackadder quotes
badge    2036 Fortunes from off badges. redfive gave these to me.
crm1     6601 Crumbs: a gigantic fortune file from elsewhere part 1
crm2     6601 Crumbs: a gigantic fortune file from elsewhere part 2
crm3     6601 Crumbs: a gigantic fortune file from elsewhere part 3
crm4     6601 Crumbs: a gigantic fortune file from elsewhere part 4
crm5     6601 Crumbs: a gigantic fortune file from elsewhere part 5
crm6     6524 Crumbs: a gigantic fortune file from elsewhere part 6
deep      118 * DEEP THOUGHTS *  by Jack Handey   
devils   1158 THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY (entered by
disney    196 Quotes from
dw        195 Doctor Who quotes
dwarf     300 Red Dwarf quotes, from Karl.
f0       1599 The USEnet fortunes file, obtainable via ftp from many locations.
f1        215 Fortunes obtained early in 1991 from miscellaneous sources
f2        897 Still more fortunes obtained in early-mid 1991
f3        882 A few more fortunes
f4        912 If you can tell me where these fortunes are from, please do.
f5        343 Please tell me where these fortunes are from
f8        249 Karl Geppart gave me a lot of these fortune (I think)
fern       62 Excerpts from "FernGully: The Last Rainforest"
ft        246 Fawlty Towers quotes
hack      124 You know you've been hacking too long when... (zik)
hg        144 Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy quotes
holy      234 Quotes from "The Quest for the Holy Grail" by Monty Python
illum     189 Fortunes from the Illuminatus! trilogy
jar      2018 The jargon file, version 3.0.0
kibo      717 Quotes from Kibo
lewd      939 Some may consider these offensive.
local     437 Fortunes collected from around monash
lost      809 The Lost Souls Discordian quotes file (a MUD)
love      145 With Love - compiled by Dave Braithwaite ( dwb@CS.nott.AC.Uk )
mer       117 Mermaid things from quetzal@yoyo.
misc      610 Miscellaneous quotes found floating around daz's directory.
mork     1779 Fortunes I got off mork (Simon Raik)...
ne        895 Northern Exposure quotes
new       922 More fortunes gathered from around the place...
new1     1202 New fortunes that come from various places as single fortunes
nor      2040 From sources via Jon Noring (
phone     221 Answering phone messages collected from rec.humor
princ     281 Fortunes from the Principia Discordia
quayle    352 Dan Quayle quotes [Copyright (c) 1992 Michael Goldsman I think]
quetz     560 Fortunes obtained from quetzal (ins534z@aurora)
res        17 Quotes on research.
rez0      694 Quotes I got off rez@yoyo... ask him where he got them from
roth       52 David Lee Roth quotes
sail      222 "A Sailing Dictionary" by Henry Beard & Roy McKie
seminars     86 Seminars for Men/Women.
shoot      75 The "How to shoot yourself in the foot with" fortunes
st       2040 Star trek quotes, from rec.arts.startrek.misc
sw         71 Star Wars stuff - from Vian.
tcwf      348 From Daniel Bowen's Toxic Custard Workshop files.
tlm       124 Excerpts from Disney's "The Little Mermaid."
tp        293 Quotes from books by Terry Pratchett
wings     122 Wings, by Terry Pratchett, The Third Book of the Nomes.
wright    280 Steve Wright quotes
zippy     536 "Zippy the pinhead" quotes (ripped from GNU emacs by Zik)

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